Bite me.

Probably one of the greatest Chad stories of all time is when I got kicked out of Ronald Reagan Fundamental School. It was a long time ago so most of the memory comes from hearing my mother re-tell it again and again at just about every family event since it happened. The story goes as follows.

I was in a lower grade in elementary school. To give you an idea of what year it was, it was one of the years where you would still walk to lunch and the library, and other places at school in a group with your class. Usually we were in two lines, boys and girls. I'm sure most of you remember something similar. I always hated lining up because my last name starts with T, so I was always at the end of the line. Most lines didn't matter, but in some lines the order is very important. If you know me you can probably guess what line was most important to me, thats right, the lunch line.

Sometimes the teacher would let us line up however we wanted to, again, some lines I could care less, but when it came to lining up for lunch I suddenly became the fastest man on earth (not actually verified). Well one day my teacher gave us the green light to line up as we wished for lunch. I leapt from my chair and raced to the front of the line. To my great dismay I didn't make it to the very front, but I was pretty close. We began to march to the lunch room in two single file lines as usual. When we got to the door to the lunch room, some unfortunate classmate thought it would be a good idea to try to cut infront of me. If there is one thing you should know, it is that the last thing you want to do is get between a fat kid and his school pizza. This foolish act is the grade school equivalent of getting between a lioness and her cubs, not smart. When I noticed what this was young skallywag was doing something inside me snapped and jungle rules took over. I jumped as high as I could (as I was shorter than most kids in my class this was necessary) and bit the kid on the shoulder. it must have been a bad bite because he screamed out in pain. When the teacher turned to see what was happening all she saw was this boy doubled over grabbing his shoulder. She asked him what had happened and he told her the truth, I had bit him on the shoulder. The teacher was furious, apparently "he cut" is not a legitamite excuse for biting someone on the shoulder. I was promptly sent to the principles office.

The rest of the story is going to be omited as to not make my mother feel bad for allowing the principle to swat me with a paddle while she sat there and watched, oops, did I say too much? I will say that the final result was that I was expelled from the school and had to finish the year of the chomp at Ranch Viejo Elem. School, an A+ school I might add.

Moral of the story, if someone cuts in the lunch line, wait till you get to the playground and the teacher is not around before you exact you revenge.